Adulting · Life · Parenting

Failure

I feel like a total failure…

You see my DD came home today with an assignment to write about a role model from her family. I was honestly secretly wishing it was me. Then I saw the questions she has to fill out: the person’s gifts/talents, the person’s accomplishments…

And I half joked to my husband, I don’t think DD should choose me, what talents or accomplishments do a stay at home mom like me have? He said: maybe how fast you can finish a McDonalds large fries haha..

I get that it’s a joke, and I get that I was asking the question while laughing so he didn’t know the insecurities behind that question, but it honestly got to me.

What did I accomplish in the last 10 years?

How many projects did I try to start and never actually finished?

Wanted to lose weight? Nope didn’t, gave up and made a Nutella sandwich instead.

Joined a gym? Went 3 times only.

I don’t even remember how many business plans I thought of and wrote down but never did anything about or saw anything through.

Started a blog? Don’t remember the last time I posted.

Started a journey to read a 100 books? Couldn’t even reach number 20 and I love reading books!

Today is just one of those days ..

Hopefully tomorrow I can see my 4 kids smiling faces and know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my son’s teacher and when she tells me how polite and nice and helpful he is I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my oldest daughter, who turned into a beautiful young lady, reading quietly in her reading spot I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see how articulate and smart my two year old daughter is I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my healthy baby crawling all around and laughing .. I will know what I accomplished

But not tonight .. tonight I will allow myself to mourn all those unfished business .. all the times I said I can when obviously I couldn’t ..

Tonight .. I feel like a complete and utter failure..

2 thoughts on “Failure

  1. You are not a failure! As a stay at home mum myself, I know exactly how you feel right now. I’ve thought the same thoughts, I’ve felt the same way. Sometimes I feel all I do is be a mum, all I have to show for myself is being a mum, all that I am is a Mum. I would love a career, I have also had lots of bright ideas and never seen any of them through. But the truth is, what we do as mums is the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. Everything your kids know is because you taught them, they are the polite, caring and clever kids that they are because of you and their dad. That is what you have to show for yourself. To make myself feel better, I often tell myself that yes a career would be amazing and all the other things I would like to do that I just haven’t had the chance to do would be nice but all that stuff can wait. That can be put on pause. But being a mum can’t and what we do is so important. When our kids have grown up and left and have lives of their own, we’ll have all the time in the world to do the stuff we want to do and we’ll realise then that when we was ‘just’ being a stay at home mum, that was the most important thing we’ll probably ever do in our life. Looking after our family and raising decent human beings is what truly matters. When we’re old and gray are kids at what we’ll look back on and be most proud of. None of the other stuff will even matter. Just remember, you are not a failure. From one stay at home mum to another xx

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