Life · Parenting

The Gift of Health

My son was sick for an entire month.

 He had a stubborn fever that would not go away. At the beginning, he had a bit of a cough and runny nose, but after that, he didn’t show any other symptom except for the fever.

 After the second course of antibiotics, the fever came back and his pediatrician said we should do a blood test just to make sure, so we can rule out the “big and bad” diseases.

 After the torture of taking blood from a child and tears from both of us, we went to the Doc’s office to double check everything. Throat, ears are ok .. chest ok .. bodily functions ok .. no rashes .. no inflamed nodes.

“So, Doc, why this fever without any symptoms?”

“Well, the symptoms can be inside and we can’t see them. That’s why we did a blood test so it can tell us if there is anything going on that we can’t see.”

“What are these ‘big and bad’ diseases we want to rule out?”

I regretted asking the question the moment he started to answer. After hearing a couple of big names thrown around, I felt like the room was spinning.

The Doc seeing me like that said: You know his chances of getting these things are just like any other healthy kid walking around so don’t worry.

Nope, didn’t really help. I still felt like I wanted to throw up. I think he felt sorry for me and told me to wait here for a sec he will run down to the lab and grab the first numbers, they will give us a better picture.

After what seemed like an eternity, he came back and said: I have good news. His blood count is in the normal range, white blood cells good, no sign of inflammation or bacterial infection. He’s fine, looks like it’s just a stubborn virus. The rest of the results will take at least 3 – 4 hours to come out. You can go home now and I will let you know the rest of the results later. But till now, all the results I can see are great!

I felt like a huge rock was lifted from my chest and I could finally breathe. At that second, I thought about the moms who were in my place and didn’t get the results they wanted to hear. Those moms who couldn’t breathe a sigh of relief and I prayed for them. I still pray for them every day.

I hugged my son so tight and left the hospital.

 Sometimes we forget the important things in life. We worry about grades and homework, money and bills, work and so on and we forget the one most important blessing God gave us: good health.

So thank you God for giving me three healthy babies. Thank you for giving me the strength to raise them. Thank you God for giving me the chance of watching them grow. And thank you God, a million thank you, for making it just a virus and nothing else. You have blessed me with so much already, and I am forever grateful for you love, kindness, and generosity.

I’ll just end this with a prayer to all mom’s out there. Hope whatever is worrying you is just the never ending laundry baskets and bills, and nothing else.

God bless.

Adulting · Life

Letter to my Mother in Law

Dearest Mother in Law,

 I fell in love with your son more than 10 years ago. Two years later, we got married and I thought I gained another family. How wrong was I!

Where should I start? First, I want you to know that you can’t get to me or bring me down with your cunning malicious words. It didn’t get me down when you called me fat and stupid (yes I can hear you screaming on the other end of the phone). It didn’t get to me when you declared to everyone that I failed at parenting, and my daughter can’t take no for an answer (she was 14 months by the way). It didn’t really bother me when you said I should check my son as you’re sure he has a problem with his brain and development (he too was only 15 months old). And it didn’t really bring me down when you said my baby girl was ugly (just like her mother I’m sure your thinking).

You know why? Do you know why, no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t get me down? Because I have my tribe who make me strong. If you try to push me down once, they will pick me up 10 times.

 My mom (you should really take some pointers from my mom, who is full of grace and elegance and does it so effortlessly) is an angel sent from heavens above. When we were young, our pediatrician recommended that she should go see a psychologist because no one should love their kids this much. And my dad, respect and kindness personified in a man. If I ever have a bad day, just calling him and hearing his voice and laugh makes me forget everything, even if I don’t tell him what is bothering me. And if I do, he reminds me ever so gently how trivial what I am worried about is, and how blessed and loved I am.

My two beautiful and intelligent sisters are always there to hear my crazy rants. And no matter how crazy I sound, or what I say, they never judge or try to “fix” things but are always there to listen, and say what they know will make me feel better. This is my family and no matter what you say, it can’t touch me because they are my shield in life.

 But my heart breaks for the man I love, your son. All he wants and is looking for is acceptance, appreciation, and some love from his first love in life: his mother. I look at my son now and can’t imagine telling him the things that you find easy, and sometimes funny, to say to your son. I pray one day you can see how amazing he is, how hard he tries, how he loves his own kids, and how much he loves you. I pray, with all my heart that if you can’t find it in your heart to be proud of him, just at least to accept him the way he is. And if you can’t see it, I pray that my husband can somehow find a way to be at peace with that, for the sake of his family.

And you know what? I am not the demon or monster you make me out to be (my mom raised me better than that). I am a fun, loving, optimistic person in life who always likes to see the glass half full and enjoys what God blessed me with.

So I won’t hold my husband from coming to visit you like you think (I don’t control my husband or tell him what to do like you think, I treat him like the man that he is). And I won’t keep my kids from visiting either (as long as you don’t spew your negativity on them). And I definitely won’t belittle or talk badly about you in front of my kids. Respect is the foundation for everything in my family and I will never  be disrespectful or teach them to be, even when I am constantly disrespected myself. I am better than that.

Though I thank you for one thing, for never saying these things in front of the kids. To them, you’re the funny grandma, and I hope you will always stay this way. And even though you will never admit it, I know and can see how happy you are of my two older kids (my baby still didn’t make the cut unfortunately), and I know deep down inside, you know how good a job I am doing, towards your son and my kids.

 So I’m writing this to make it official. What happened a couple of days ago was the final straw. God knows I loved you and tried so hard to gain your approval and acceptance. But now I can see, if your own son can’t get it, how can I?

You will always be my children’s grandmother, always welcome at their birthdays and special occasions. You will always be my husband’s mother, always welcome in our home. But you will never be my family, you haven’t earned the right or privilege to be on the same level as my parents.

 I wish you all the best, and hope you can enjoy the things God blessed you with.

 

Respectfully,

Your son’s wife