Adulting · Life · Parenting


I feel like a total failure…

You see my DD came home today with an assignment to write about a role model from her family. I was honestly secretly wishing it was me. Then I saw the questions she has to fill out: the person’s gifts/talents, the person’s accomplishments…

And I half joked to my husband, I don’t think DD should choose me, what talents or accomplishments do a stay at home mom like me have? He said: maybe how fast you can finish a McDonalds large fries haha..

I get that it’s a joke, and I get that I was asking the question while laughing so he didn’t know the insecurities behind that question, but it honestly got to me.

What did I accomplish in the last 10 years?

How many projects did I try to start and never actually finished?

Wanted to lose weight? Nope didn’t, gave up and made a Nutella sandwich instead.

Joined a gym? Went 3 times only.

I don’t even remember how many business plans I thought of and wrote down but never did anything about or saw anything through.

Started a blog? Don’t remember the last time I posted.

Started a journey to read a 100 books? Couldn’t even reach number 20 and I love reading books!

Today is just one of those days ..

Hopefully tomorrow I can see my 4 kids smiling faces and know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my son’s teacher and when she tells me how polite and nice and helpful he is I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my oldest daughter, who turned into a beautiful young lady, reading quietly in her reading spot I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see how articulate and smart my two year old daughter is I know what I accomplished

Hopefully, when I see my healthy baby crawling all around and laughing .. I will know what I accomplished

But not tonight .. tonight I will allow myself to mourn all those unfished business .. all the times I said I can when obviously I couldn’t ..

Tonight .. I feel like a complete and utter failure..

Weight Loss

Mom Weight Struggles – So Embarrassing!

So while waiting for the book to get here I’ll just add one more very important thing to the above info about me. A very important detail that I may have purposefully left out, because I am ashamed.

Yes I am ashamed.

But maybe, if I put it out there, if I state it, see it in writing, acknowledge it to the world, maybe I will be ashamed enough to change it, just maybe.

See when I got married, 8 years and 3 kids ago, I weighed 55 kgs. For my height, my weight was perfect. I fit into a size 2. I even splurged on a True Religion jeans for my honeymoon, waist size 36.

8 years and 3 kids later, I am afraid, sad, and ashamed to say I am at 90 kilos. Yes you read it right. 90 kilos, as in 9 0 kilos. And yes, I have three beautiful angels to show for it, but NINETY kilos??

How did I get here one might ask. Well sometimes I’m just put into a situation that I am forced to eat. There are three cookies in the jar, two kids, so to avoid a complete melt down, I have to eat the third one. Have to.

So I was thinking, planning or wishing, hoping that I might go on a weight loss healthy journey along with tackling the list of books. Too much you think? Well maybe, maybe not we’ll see. I am planning to keep track of my weight after every book, and hopefully lose some by the end of this journey. Maybe if I am accountable to you guys, it will keep me on track. Who knows, I might even fit into my honeymoon jeans.

So anyways the kids have a week off from school for I don’t know what reason exactly, my seven year old dear daughter (DD) asks me for a snack for the millionth time (how did she ever stay in school all day with only one or two snacks? No idea!), and I say: “Stop thinking about food the whole time please. You’re just bored. You are not hungry. Let’s do something else. Want to play monopoly?”

I say that while I unconsciously grab another double chocolate cookie.

DD: “Mooom, then why do you get to eat all the time?”


“Yes you’re right honey. I’m sorry you’re absolutely correct. Let’s go play monopoly.” (Reluctantly putting the cookie down).

Wow. I should set an example for them. Should lead by example and not just by barking orders. Yes I should. That’s what I should do. (trying to ignore the newest addition of chocolate in the kitchen.)

Me: “Yes, I’ll be the cat.”

Ignore, mom. IGNORE.

DD: “Mooom its your turn.!!”

But it says Swiss chocolate on the cover. All the way from Switzerland.

“You landed on chance mom. I can read it for you: You ate too many sweets! Pay M2 to the Bank! Haha mom pay 2.”

Haha very funny ..